Sue:
What are the most common signs and symtpoms of male menopause?

Jed:

• Hormonal:
  Drop in testosterone, free testosterone, DHEA, melatonin, thyroid hormone, and others.
• Physical:
  Increased fatigue, short-term memory loss, weight gain
• Psychological:
  Irritability, indecisiveness, and depression.
• Interpersonal:
  A longing for intimacy and fear of getting close.
• Social:
  Desire for close friendships and recognition of social isolation.
• Sexual:
  Lowering of sexual desire, erectile dysfunctions, and fears of sexual loss.
• Spiritual:
  Great restlessness and a longing to follow soul's calling.

Although all men go through Male Menopause and will experience some or all of these signs at some time during their passage, they are not all equally common. Male Menopause, as a field of research, is where menopause was 40 years ago.

Sue:
Perimenopause and menopause have only just began to get the media attention that they need and deserve.  Certainly male menopause requires the same attention.  How do you see male menopause becoming mainstream?

Jed:
I think male menopause will become mainstream as more and more men get through their denial and recognize that a lot of the changes we have just accepted as part of  "aging" like irritability, anxiety, depression, weight gain, sexual dysfunctions, are actually part of male menopause.  "I knew my husband was going through male menopause," one woman told me.  "His changes were so sudden and dramatic, they had to be hormonal."  It was actually the female physicians and researchers who first recognized that men, like women, have significant hormonal changes at mid-life that effect all aspects of their lives.

Sue:
I know when I talk with women that they complain how difficult it is to get their hubbys and partners to the doctor just for a check-up.  How can we get men to talk about their feelings about what they are going through?

Jed:

1. Recognize that male menopause is real.
2. Understand that male menopause is more than a "mid-life" cri-sis, but involves hormonal and physiological changes in a man's body.
3. The physical changes interact with personal, interpersonal, family, career and other life changes to affect how a man feels about himself and others.  Encourage him to share his feelings even when his feelings make you uncomfortable.
4. A man often feel a loss of power, purpose, passion, and potency during this time of life and sometimes feel it is the beginning of the end for him.  Let him know you love and appreci-ate him just the way he is and trust that he will come through this period of life stronger and more compassionate.
5. Rather than the beginning of the end, male menopause is actually the end of the beginning--a preparation time for the second half of life.  Take joy in your own mid-life changes and encourage him to do the same.
6. The most fearful change for a man involves his sexuality.  Many feel they are losing the very basis of their manhood.  Let him know you will stand by him and help him talk about his fears and desires.
7. Men need to know that sexual change is not the same as sexual dysfunction.  If there are problems that persist, don't be ashamed.  Talk to an expert.  Get help together.
8. Although there are differences between male and female menopause, there is much that is the same.  Learn to talk togeth-er and support each other.
9. A man needs a woman who can take his changes seriously, not ridicule or make fun of him (even when you are talking privately with other women), and support him to become the man he has always wanted to be.  He also needs a woman who can recognize when he needs support that a woman can not give.
10. A man needs support from other men so that he knows he is not alone, that other men are going through similar changes.  Women can help by encouraging and supporting the man to join a men's group and be part of a community of men.

Sue:
One of the toughest scenarios I'm imagining, is both a husband and wife going through menopause at the same time : ).  How can these two people support and care about each other when they each are dealing with so many physical and emotional changes?

Jed:
Stresses are not unlike those experienced by parents and teenagers. Adolescence and  "middlescence" are very similar stages.  Sexual changes, hormonal shifts, changes in body shape and composition, identity crises hit people when they are in their teens and in their forties.  It takes a great deal of care and compassion between parents and teens to get through this period.

Likewise when a husband and wife are going through this period they can both be "hell on wheels."  For my wife, Carlin and I, this was the most difficult time of our marriage.  We were both angry, withdrawn, sullen, hyperactive, depressed, manic, fearful at different times during that period.   The main problem was that she knew she was going through menopause.  I thought the only problem was "her."

Once I realized I was going through my own menopause passage, things began to improve.

Erectile Dysfunction

Sue:
In my work with women and perimenopause, I often find that once women find out that their mood swings, sleeplessness, hotflashes etc... are actually due to something very real happening in their bodies they are immediately relieved and then gather as much information as possible to help them understand how best to help themselves.  With the guys I've been talking with, including my own husband, they seem very resistant to talking about male menopause and don't really want anything to do with it : ).  What can we do to help them feel better about their bodies and learn what they can do to feel better?

see Jed Diamond's answer

• Introduction
• What is Male Menopause
• Common Signs & Symptoms
• Erectile Dysfunction
• Mid-Life Crisis
• Book Excerpt
  Male Menopause and Erectile Dysfunction
• Q&A with Jed Diamond

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Male Menopause
by Jed Diamond

So do men really go through menopause? If you think of menopause as hot flashes and a sudden change in fertility, no. But if you regard menopause as physical and emotional changes triggered by significant changes in hormone levels, then yes, men go through it. In Male Menopause veteran psychotherapist and men's-movement leader Jed Diamond looks at the observable and documentable changes associated with male midlife--weight gain, less physical endurance, longer recovery from injuries, reduced interest in sex, feelings of irritability and depression--and concludes that this is indeed a passage similar to what middle-aged women go through. The last section of Male Menopause discusses how men can get back what they've lost, but for the most part Diamond focuses on understanding and accepting the aging process, not fighting it.

The Testosterone Syndrome:
The Critical Factor for Energy, Health, & Sexuality--Reversing the Male Menopause
by Eugene Shippen, William Fryer

Just as women have a menopause, so men experience a "male menopause", often called andropause, which can occur in over a period of 15 to 20 years, and which can take an equally devastating toll on strength, energy, and zest for life. In this book, Dr. Shippan uses case histories to show how adjusting levels of testosterone can have a positive effect on this time in a man's life.

Maximizing Manhood:
Beating the Male Menopause
by Malcolm Carruthers

A revealing and in-depth study of many men facing one of the greatest male taboos. This book discusses the benefits of carefully monitored testosterone replacement therapy.

Meet the Author
Michael J. Murphy
and read a FREE excerpt from his book
"Popsickle Fish"
Chap 5: Big Boys Do Cry

Dr. Michael Murphy has written a wonderful book called "Popsickle Fish" which is an anthology of many of life's lessons and we have the privilege of asking Dr, Murphy a few questions about himself. He is a licensed psychologist and is certified as forensic psychologist. He has worked with men’s groups for ten years and his work has been included in an anthology of the best of the award-winning Family Therapy Networker magazine and in the best-selling book Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Iron John: A Book About Men
see books by Robert Bly

is a wonderful book that I've had for a few years in hardcover that I tend to reread every once in a while. It's a great "jump start" for the soul. It tells a story as abstracted from an ancient legend with practical applications for the men of today. Definitely worth buying for your personal library.