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Caregiving
& Depression  FREE excerpt A
couple of weeks ago...
I was watching one of my favorite funny television shows, Frasier. Most Thursday
nights I find myself laughing from beginning to end with all the antics from Frasier and
his miss- matched family.
As is often the case Frasier and his younger brother Niles, are locked in a heated
disagreement. It seems that Niles, who is very lonely after his recent divorce, wants to
sign on with a dating service. Touting it as sophisticated and high minded, Niles debates
Frasier on its merits. Frasier, the nay- sayer in this fight, responds with one of his
many sarcastically funny quips, " You don't want to sign up with a dating service.
All you'll meet is a buck-toothed, librarian who has to wash up her mother every
night." The usual canned laughter follows; except something is different tonight. I'm
not laughing. I can't get past the wash up her mother" comment. It hangs in my living
room , heavy like fog, thick like smoke.
I'm not laughing because I've been changed.
 Or at least my perceptions have changed. Reading Beth Witrogen
McLeod's book Caregiving
: The Spiritual Journey of Love, Loss, and Renewal has changed me. It took
away my automatic laughter, which usually accompanies taking care of "old folks"
or the "old man/lady" comments and has left thoughtfulness, pause, and a large
dose of reality.
I started looking around my neck of the world.
I started seeing my neighbor who has taken care of his 50 something year old wife
during her long and torturous battle with ovarian cancer. I started looking at my
neighbors down the block who are together working to beat his prostate cancer. I remember
conversations with acquaintances, who are taking care of their aging parents and now
notice lines on their faces, that I never saw before. Beth shook me awake, I feel like I'm
wearing a new pair of glasses.
Beth, in her book Caregiving, pulls back the heavy black
curtain that separates us from the folks who face the daily silent crisis of caregiving.
Who are these extraordinary people and families? They are caregivers. They take care of
their seriously ill children, spouses, and aging parents. They quietly do what few even
dare think about. They find a place in their hearts, and open it to the demands,
sacrifices, and sometimes actual highs, of this often times painful journey. This is the
revelation of the human spirit, complete with all its complexities.
Caregiving is not just a how to guide of caregiving, it's much, much more. It provides
strategies, inspiration, and strength for caregivers as they plan their journey into a
role none of us are ever prepared for. Beth includes stories and experiences from members
of her online support groups and seminar participants. Their poignant and heart warming
stories serve as examples and paradigms for what all of us will face in life. We must
listen to these incredible voices.
Caregiving focuses on the power of spirituality, and hope in trying to understand perhaps
the most elusive of life's mysteries, life and death. As a writer, a national lecturer
,and moderator for Internet chats about caregiving Beth, has displayed the highest form of
generosity of spirit. She has shared her experiences when caring for her two most loved
parents. The ups and downs, the calls in the middle of the night, the endless planning,
the guilt and yes, at times, the happiness show her love and devotion to both of her
parents in trying to do the best for them.
This book takes a great deal of time in helping the caregiver herself. How to keep
compassion fatigue at bay, how to take care of yourself, and most importantly how to make
this incredible spiritual journey intact and whole. Caregiving is a powerfully compelling
book, it serves as a wake up call to all of us.
Sue:
I feel blessed and enriched to have met Beth. She is one of those truly inspirational
and dynamic people who can lead us into the light, into a better way. Thank you Beth for
joining me.
Beth:
Thank you so for inviting me to your forum here on Pinksunrise.com
Sue:
One of the little known facts that you write in your book Caregiving : The
Spiritual Journey of Love, Loss, and Renewal is that most people take care of their
loved ones AT HOME, not in a healthcare facility. Why do you think most people believe
most of caregiving is done outside of the home? What contributes to this belief?
 Beth:
We live in an age – and death – denying society. We don’t want to think
about illness or aging unless we are forced to. Because family caregiving is viewed as
"women’s work," we don’t value it and acknowledge it. For this reason,
many caregivers don’t even realize they have become caregivers; it is a family norm
and socially expected, especially of women.
Additionally, health care policy dictates that
reimbursement for care services is skewed toward institutionalization rather than home
care. So insurance such as Medicare, which is for people over 65, covers services in
facilities rather than at home, where 85 percent of caregiving is done.
Another reason that we see hospitals as the places to be cared for, rather than at
home, is that the traditional nuclear family has changed, as has longevity. People live so
much longer, and with so many more disabilities and chronic conditions, the whole family
care system has changed. More women are in the work force and aren’t at home to do
the caring, which used to be invisible. Well, it still is invisible, but we tend to pay
attention only to the media cases, which are always about nursing homes and hospitals.
Sue:
There are so many poignant and touching stories in your book. There is a whole community
of people united by their caregiving yet we all know so little about this world, why?
Beth:
Caregiving is considered women’s work, something expected of families. We are
expected to be quiet about it, to not bring the subjects of death and illness and aging
into the open, where we might have to admit that our value systems are imbalanced. Youth
is not forever; death is real. But we don’t like to think about unpleasantness, and
there don’t support this natural rite of passage.
We have become disconnected from natural cycles and from the power of relationships.
End-of-life issues bring it all back home. I have never met a caregiver who didn’t
feel guilty, isolated, frustrated, helpless – and afraid to admit weakness. Our
systems for supporting home care and aging are fragmented and inadequate. Until the
political becomes personal – which promises to happen now that the baby boomers are
aging and the population of people over 65 is expected to double by the year 2030 –
We won’t be a highly visible population.
Yet, it is estimated that unpaid family caregiving is an industry worth almost $200
billion annually. If caregivers falter, guess who picks up the tab? Taxpayers, so this
will gain attention as more boomers care for aging parents – and spouses. It’s
inevitable.
Sue:
As our population continues to age and as we live longer what does the future look like
for caregiving?
Beth:
Grim, unless we change our health care policy and support families. We need respite
for caregivers, and insurance systems that support the kind of care people want –
dignified, reasonable, at home. The fact that the birth rate has declined means that there
will be fewer family caregivers in the future to care for baby boomers.
It’s time to wake up and smell the demographics, as one friend said. Becoming a
caregiver is like a deer in the headlights; we need to become aware of the risks of
long-term care and start speaking for families today.
Sue:
Thank you, Beth for your comments and now we move on to a FREE excerpt from your book
which focuses on the caring for aging parents.
Caregiving:
The Spirtitual Journey of Love, Loss and Renewal
Caring for Aging Parents
Excerpt/Chapter 4
Caregiving & DepressionFREE excerpt |
Caregiving : The
Spiritual Journey of Love, Loss, and Renewal
by Beth Witrogen McLeod
Whether it involves caring for an aging parent, an ill spouse or partner, or a
disabled child, caregiving takes us into a new reality quite unlike that of our usual
workaday life. Too often, we don't know where to find help or what questions to ask, and
the health care system seems to get more complex every day. An indispensable guide for
anyone who is or has been a caregiver or who anticipates becoming one, Caregiving includes
advice from leaders in the fields of aging, medicine, finance, and spirituality. It
explores medical and financial problems as well as such issues as depression, stress,
housing, home care, and end-of-life concerns. The author also includes dozens of helpful
resources at the back of the book. Framed by the author's personal odyssey as a caregiver,
Caregiving is richly informed by the inspiring and poignant tales of other caregivers.
Caregiving shows that while at first we experience the dark night of the soul, through
service to others we can discover our true nature and develop lovingkindness and
compassion; through caregiving we can see the renewal of both self and community. Personal
transformation has been witnessed in sacred traditions throughout human history, and in
Caregiving Beth McLeod draws on the wisdom of Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, and
shamanism, and on the writings of current and past spiritual figures, to illuminate the
way.
Popsicle Fish:
Tales of Fathering
by Michael J. Murphy, Susanna Hepburn Kravitz
Fathers parent very differently from mothers, and vive la
difference! This book of short personal essays focuses on the father-son relationships
between Michael Murphy and his three boys. Whether inadvertently peeing on the cat or
going through the agonies of LIKING a girl for the first time, Murphy's kids come to life
for us You'll be glad to meet this big-hearted father who has a lot to teach all of us. |
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